Not today...

I guess I have to write my thoughts…
“Text me later if you need comfort…”
yeah right… as if I need one…
Ok pride sets in and there’s nothing else to do but swallow it…

And as Aramaki said in the first episode of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, 2^nd Gig series, “Besides there’s never been a recorded case of anyone developing stomach trouble after swallowing their pride.”

I don’t know what I’ll write today…
Not much as compared to what I’ve seen and thought about in this past few weeks I guess…

As for me, reality slaps me hard in my face today.
Really hard that although it doesn’t hurt, I can sense my whole self being shaken by that reality. I was caught off-guard by it…

I feel peace but not happiness. But although I don’t feel happiness, I don’t feel sadness either.

The truth that was pushed to me point blank was that… I will never have what I want today YET what I really wanted for me as of now.
And so it seems… I keep on consciously avoiding the very thing that I wanted because I know I am not ready yet to have it… But unconsciously I keep on reminding myself that I need it…

Afraid to do the same mistakes again perhaps? Or is it that I’m really not ready yet? I don’t know…

Maybe things will change… or not… or maybe it’s just again another vision of the real things that might happen… a window to the future perhaps? A possible flawed mirror of the real thing that will be for me in the near… or far future… only God knows…

What I know is… it’s not yet time… Kairos hasn’t fulfilled its full potential…

Nevertheless… have to get myself ready for that someone… I know she may be flawed also, but I know she is still being prepared for me… May it be that I already knew her all along or not… or just that I knew someone that would be a mirror to another that will come along my way… I know that in time… in His time… we’ll meet each other…

Knowing our real purpose in life… which is to both serve Him together as one…

Anyway… again I’ll try to return to my stable self again… remembering that day reality caught me off-guard… trying to say to myself… “Hey kid, be patient… You’ll get what you want but not today my son… not today…”