Love Blog Series #4: Standard Specifications

Have you ever thought why do we need to know the specifications and standards of the products we buy?
For us who buy software or games that can be played in your own PCs, you know what I'm talking about.
Before we buy any game or software, most of us look not only on its reviews but also the minimum requirement specifications or standard it needs for it to be played.

The requirements can be a list like:
-Can run on Operating Systems that are XP,ME,2000,98...
-Should have a memory of 256MB
-Should have a video card supporting 3-d graphics
etc... etc...

and then knowing our own PCs, we see if our own PCs has achieved the minimum requirements or standard specifications of the CD so that the software or game be at least usable or playable if not smooth and efficient in terms of speed (in other words, the PC doesn't crash).

Now what is the relevance of PC requirements to Love life?

For us to have a smooth relationship, we need standards. A list of "Minimum requirements" and "For best performance" to have a workable and smooth relationship with each other.
(I got this from Bo Sanchez and Josh Harris, minimum requirements equals to no-compromise stuff or non-negotiables.)

For many of my friends, they say that we do not need standards because we break them when we found the "one" (even my mom said it to me).
Again, I beg to disagree.

Take note of the premise and the example above, it is for having a workable and smooth relationship.

When you stick to your standards for a partner, you have advantages (and of course disadvantages but that later on). You eliminate at least half of your conflicts in your relationship. Guaranteed!! Well, for the least, you could have eliminated the unhealthy conflicts.

In a relationship, there are conflicts, yes. But not all are healthy, especially the ones that results from misunderstandings that has the same story over and over and over and over and... you know what I mean (and worse, we do not learn from these conflicts).

The reason why we have these unhealthy conflicts with the "wrong" partners is because of many factors (different beliefs, different likes, dislikes, different lifestyles, religion, etc...)

Now I am not much against with "opposites attract" because it is still possible but I can tell you, it is quite hard. Well, not really quite, but very hard. Adjusting to each other differences for too much can be spiritually, emotionally, and physically draining.

Speaking of adjusting, as a human person, we can't adjust too much of ourselves, more so for our partners who "wants" us to be what they "want" us to be. Because the danger of adjusting too much is we can disregard the real plan for us by our Lord. The problem with adjusting too much also is that we change our definition of ourselves not because as the Lord wants but as what our partners "wants". Another problem is we become a liquid, a blob... no backbone... no identity. Our identity is just formed because of the container of "wants" of your partner.

Now I go back to my topic, why do we need standards? When you dive into a relationship, you just don't go diving in without any reason. You just don't love a person just because the person is beautiful, with money, etc... The reason why you decided to love the person for the rest of your whole life and dive into an exclusive relationship is to serve God through this person (See Love Blog Series#3: True Love has One Reason Alone).

A relationship becomes one entity where both of you serve and give more than when you serve and give as two separate individuals. Again, you cannot give what you do not have. If your relationship is not healthy, you can't serve and give healthily. If your relationship is healthy, you can serve and give healthily. A healthy relationship doesn't mean it is void of conflicts, but it means that you have accepted each other's individual identities and has fulfilled a "basic requirement" to make the relationship work, have a purpose and reason why you love each other, and its (the relationship's) center is God and His love.

God created you uniquely, you have needs and wants. You have your own set of standards, know them clearly. and stick to it... You'll never regret this decision.

Because you're a child of God, You deserve the best for you.