A 500-peso gift given by a guy to his girlfriend.
An extravagant gift saying "I really really love you" in beautiful word-art and is given to a girl.
Three 1500-peso bouquet of roses given to a girl by her suitor for "breakfast", "lunch" and "dinner".
A 3-paged letter saying all things about love and life with her and how happy he is to actually meet and be with her and is given every monthsary to his girlfriend.
Bought a stuffed-toy, a dog, and gave it as a Christmas gift to his girlfriend.
Prepared a surprise for his "crush". Contacted a local coffee shop for reservations, bought a bouquet of the girl's most favorite flowers, bought a teddy bear, created his own card, prepared the place, and totally surprised the girl.
These are 5 different situations. Maybe 5 different sets of people who have done these things. What do these 5 situations have in common?
Common point: All has gifts being given. Outwardly expressing that the guy loved the girl.
Sweet right? Not quite.
Ask me that question at the time when I was 18 years-old and I would totally go into "kilig" mode and say... "Wow!! How sweet!! Grabe astigin!!"
Ask me now, I'm sorry to shatter your sweet tooth, but I'll say "Not quite... Not sweet enough"
Not long ago, a friend of mine got an extravagant (when I say extravagant, it means something that is nearly out-of-reach to be bought by a non-working student because of financial matters and stuff... i.e. a 1500-peso gift bought by a 4th year highschool student... if you know what I mean) gift from his boyfriend. Another friend of mine was there when she got it and was amazed on how the guy really "loved" the girl. Contradictory to what my friend said, my left eyebrow is lifted and said in reply "You call that love? My dog could do that." (Ok, I didn't said that last sentence but I did just put it here just for a laugh).
My friend said in reply, "Why? He's so sweet!! Giving that thing..."
"O come on, that is sweet? You call that sweet?!!" In my mind, candy was sweeter than that.
"Yes it is!! It is because your standards are too high..." my friend replied in defense for that gift.
Standards? Well, I guess my "standards" are too high... Sweetness for me is when couples love each other. For me, it is when they show each other true love in real and simple ways like hugging each other, saying "I love you" 7 times a day (and he means it when he says it), fulfilling each others needs, doing things together, serving each other, loving each other, sharing each other's lives... Yes, these are my standards of sweetness: When they genuinely express the Love of God to each other that it is so contagious even their friends feel it when they are together.
It's not the gift...
It's not the beautiful "I love you"s in artful letters...
It's not in the roses...
It's in the couple's everyday lives, serving and loving each other, that makes their sweetness profound and felt to the bone by others around them and they themselves.
I didn't feel the love from the gift given to my friend that day. It's just once-in-a-blue-moon event. No follow-ups. No fulfillment of needs. No real service. Just feelings... In other words, "Love" for them was just a matter of feelings and not really an action that should be taken seriously.
True Sweetness is a by-product when True Love is felt. True Love is felt only by self-giving. In a relationship, you do not have time to think of your needs. Because your needs is automatically fulfilled by your partner. Thus, you use the time to fulfill your partner's needs by self-giving. This is what you call "The Theory of Equivalent Exchange" in relationships (See Love Blog Series #1: The Theory of Equivalent Exchange).
It's not a matter of how many gifts he or she has given you...
It's not even a matter of how much each gift costs...
It's also not a matter of how many "I love you" sentences he or she has blurted out to you...
Not even on how many kisses you have made...
or even on how long you have been together...
Sweetness cannot be found there.
As long as there is no quality... All these are fake.
As long as there is no service and self-sacrifice... All these are fake.
As long as there is no True Love... All these are fake.
Sweetness can only be felt when you truly love each other; when you truly serve each other; when you truly feel God's Love surrounding both you.
And that what's sweetness is all about.
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Love Blog Series #1: The Theory of Equivalent Exchange
I have this relationship theory that I've been thinking about.
Although this theory is primarily built on the premise of a romantic or loving boy-girl relationship, It can also be used in friendship, family and other kinds of relationship but in a different level.
But for this, I'll have to focus on the boy-girl or in a matured sense, man-woman relationship.
My theory is entitled: "The Theory of Equivalent Exchange". Based on the classic law from the Anime series, Full Metal Alchemist.
This theory is not of my own in the first place. It is because that it was unconsciously done by (veteran) couples and although the foundations of this theory was discussed by preachers and speakers before, I would like to just name it just for the sake of giving it a name for establishment.
The theory states that "for the exchange to take place, the two key players of the relationship must be somehow complete first before they give it to each other. As for this, they will take what the other has given and the cycle goes on. Because of their completeness, and their readiness, the give-and-take cycle becomes a natural process, like breathing and eating."
Do you understand the theory? I'll explain further...
In simple terms, realistically, to have a good start in a relationship (and also a good flow in a relationship), you have to be ready and complete, maturity-wise in terms of physical, spiritual and most especially emotional, before you dive into a relationship. You cannot give what you do not have.
Now why give? To answer that, I have to make an example. An immatured relationship would have two people always after their own good, their own selves. An immatured relationship would be composed of at least 1 person who is immatured.
And an immatured person (although this is just a part) is always not complete and not ready. In a way, one doesn't know one's self. Thus, making him "incomplete" and often times finds someone who could "complete" him or her.
If one knows one's self, he finds completeness and contentment. If one finds himself complete and content, he finds joy. And by sharing joy equals more joy. That is why we need to give one's self. Because it is really not the need to complete you but the need to share your complete self, your joyful state that you feel more joy.
Also when one knows one's self, he knows what he needs. Thus, finding the right partner (without quotation marks) will be easy because you know what to find for a partner. Thus, once you found that partner, only little and minor adjustments will be made for a good, realistic, exciting, joyful, steady and loving relationship.
Given these, if the 2 key players in the relationship are matured enough, one will not feel the need to look after one's self if he or she is fulfilled. Why? Because their needs are fulfilled unconsiously by their partner who gives themselves to them, leaving them more oppurtunity to give themselves to their partners more and vice-versa. This often overlooked phenomena was the reason why people stick together. It is because it becomes a natural process for them to give rather than to look after themselves and their needs. It becomes natural to look after their partner's needs because they are confident that their partner will look after their needs. That is where the cycle of love happens. You give what you have, you get what you the other gives. Equivalent exchange.
The last thing is why take? To take is to appreciate what is given. Appreciation is a response. Which is also to give. To take something is to give a response of saying 'Thank You for giving your Love to me." By saying that, the giver is more energized to give you more of that. Because you gave the giver due praise that he deserves. Which is true for that person because the giver becomes the reciever when you also give your love in return. You will be giving if the reciever appreciates you and praises you.
So now, we have discussed the semi-nitty-gritty-stuff of this theory. complete-give-take topic. To end this, I will end it in full circle. Before we are to be complete, we have to ask for help from someone to complete us. And that Someone is here. He is Big. He is Strong. And He is Complete beyond reasonable doubt. He will give you Love. This Love, when felt by your heart, brings joy. And this joy you will want to share, right? Especially to the one you love... that special someone in your life. Always ask the Father for that Love in all your relationships. Make Jesus your first Special Someone, so that when he lavishly and generously gives you His overflowing Love, you will not contain it that you have no choice but to share it to your special someone... your partner in Christ.
Although this theory is primarily built on the premise of a romantic or loving boy-girl relationship, It can also be used in friendship, family and other kinds of relationship but in a different level.
But for this, I'll have to focus on the boy-girl or in a matured sense, man-woman relationship.
My theory is entitled: "The Theory of Equivalent Exchange". Based on the classic law from the Anime series, Full Metal Alchemist.
This theory is not of my own in the first place. It is because that it was unconsciously done by (veteran) couples and although the foundations of this theory was discussed by preachers and speakers before, I would like to just name it just for the sake of giving it a name for establishment.
The theory states that "for the exchange to take place, the two key players of the relationship must be somehow complete first before they give it to each other. As for this, they will take what the other has given and the cycle goes on. Because of their completeness, and their readiness, the give-and-take cycle becomes a natural process, like breathing and eating."
Do you understand the theory? I'll explain further...
In simple terms, realistically, to have a good start in a relationship (and also a good flow in a relationship), you have to be ready and complete, maturity-wise in terms of physical, spiritual and most especially emotional, before you dive into a relationship. You cannot give what you do not have.
Now why give? To answer that, I have to make an example. An immatured relationship would have two people always after their own good, their own selves. An immatured relationship would be composed of at least 1 person who is immatured.
And an immatured person (although this is just a part) is always not complete and not ready. In a way, one doesn't know one's self. Thus, making him "incomplete" and often times finds someone who could "complete" him or her.
If one knows one's self, he finds completeness and contentment. If one finds himself complete and content, he finds joy. And by sharing joy equals more joy. That is why we need to give one's self. Because it is really not the need to complete you but the need to share your complete self, your joyful state that you feel more joy.
Also when one knows one's self, he knows what he needs. Thus, finding the right partner (without quotation marks) will be easy because you know what to find for a partner. Thus, once you found that partner, only little and minor adjustments will be made for a good, realistic, exciting, joyful, steady and loving relationship.
Given these, if the 2 key players in the relationship are matured enough, one will not feel the need to look after one's self if he or she is fulfilled. Why? Because their needs are fulfilled unconsiously by their partner who gives themselves to them, leaving them more oppurtunity to give themselves to their partners more and vice-versa. This often overlooked phenomena was the reason why people stick together. It is because it becomes a natural process for them to give rather than to look after themselves and their needs. It becomes natural to look after their partner's needs because they are confident that their partner will look after their needs. That is where the cycle of love happens. You give what you have, you get what you the other gives. Equivalent exchange.
The last thing is why take? To take is to appreciate what is given. Appreciation is a response. Which is also to give. To take something is to give a response of saying 'Thank You for giving your Love to me." By saying that, the giver is more energized to give you more of that. Because you gave the giver due praise that he deserves. Which is true for that person because the giver becomes the reciever when you also give your love in return. You will be giving if the reciever appreciates you and praises you.
So now, we have discussed the semi-nitty-gritty-stuff of this theory. complete-give-take topic. To end this, I will end it in full circle. Before we are to be complete, we have to ask for help from someone to complete us. And that Someone is here. He is Big. He is Strong. And He is Complete beyond reasonable doubt. He will give you Love. This Love, when felt by your heart, brings joy. And this joy you will want to share, right? Especially to the one you love... that special someone in your life. Always ask the Father for that Love in all your relationships. Make Jesus your first Special Someone, so that when he lavishly and generously gives you His overflowing Love, you will not contain it that you have no choice but to share it to your special someone... your partner in Christ.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)